Tiggies's Xanga

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 04:09:06 GMT

i don't know... some moments like these...

Here am I, coarse-voiced but quietly singing to the old stuff of bsb (yes that's right, the Backstreet Boys, and it's none other than the Backstreet's Back album, chyeaa). It's past midnight... I didn't study as much as I would've like to today, but it's ok. My head still feels a bit hurty, but that's ok too. I'm feelin' this right now, and it feels nice.

It's been a taxing week that poked fun at my health. One exam, one OSCE, one major presentation, and one assignment. And with that, was the mix of being back in T.O. the previous weekend (which meant no work done, but happy birthday, g-ma! ), trying to find a place to live in Waterloo, obsessive-compulsively refreshing aircanada.com (among others) to book my flight to Japan...

Sleep count: Monday - 4.5hrs, Tuesday - 4.5hrs, Wednesday - 1.5hrs, Thurs - 1.5hrs
I have never pushed my body/brain that hard, not even when I was Neurotic-Amy back in undergrad. My cough that had started to get better the week before went into full-blast coughing fits by the end of the week (haha along with the rest of my class, we were a symphony). My head felt/feels like mush.

I guess it does sound like a horrible week. Physically, yes it was. But I was happy. (I am happy)
("It's humorous what they're putting us through, Amy. It's hell, but why let that bring us down? Why should we not continue to enjoy ourselves?!"... "That's exactly it, Jay! That's exactly it. I'm tired and I'm wired, but I'm happy"). The week had lots of moments just like that one that justified everything and kept that bounce in my walk. And besides, I am exactly where I want to be. I am so freaking lucky.

And I did better on my OSCE than I thought. Actually, I think it was my best OSCE yet. The exam went pretty well too. My team's presentation entertained the class, and brought comments from the prof that floored us and more than justified all those hours we poured into that project. The same prof whose brilliance has inspired me time and time again...

I got my 8.5 hours of sleep last night, and booked it to the library today (2 more exams and 1 peer eval this coming week). Did what I could with the headache I still had, but I was with a few friends at the library, and B and W were there too, so it was nice. And then I went home to have a yummy homecooked dinner with BnW (hehe), and kicked back the rest of the night. And listened to BSB, and chatted a bit on msn.

And here I am... :) I feel good. Thought I'd tell you about it.

oooh it's late. I'm going to bed. Goodnight!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 23:53:48 GMT

my day as a paraplegic

... was a class assignment for my rehab course. It was a cool experience, so for those who are interested, I thought I'd give you guys a glimpse of what I saw and felt that day. The following is the reflection that I wrote (but I took out some parts that were written more for academic purposes and are less relevant to blogging-purposes).

“Whoa! Check that out!” A twenty-something year old leaned out of the passenger-side window and shouted as he and his friend drove past me. At that moment, I was slumped over my knees in my wheelchair, in the process of ab-crunching my way up the torturous hill on Oxford Street. Check what out? I thought to myself as I caught a glimpse of my insolent stranger speeding away. Was it my sweat stains?Was it the sight of my twiggy arms shaking in my attempt to propel my wheelchair uphill? Or was it all of the above, and he was entertaining the thought that I might start rolling backwards?

Whatever it was, he succeeded in making me feel self-conscious. Before his comment, I was able to push away that feeling by convincing myself that I would not be much of a spectacle. A young person in a wheelchair. It happens. If it were me as the passer-by, I would try not to pass any judgements as to what may have happened, and probably just carry on with my own tasks at hand. Evidently though, not everyone responds the same way, and it only takes one person to utter a few words to embarrass someone or otherwise affect their mood. And to think that this was just one day in my life. What happens to those who are permanently restricted to such assistive devices and are fed this kind of social input on a regular basis? I imagine that some might build an immunity towards these reactions, while others may incorporate it into their sense of self. Some might become resilient to the mockery, while others may become a victim to it and let it affect their sense of self-worth.

As therapists then, I think that we can play an important role in buffering our patients against such negative reactions.We can do so not only indirectly by helping them achieve greater physical function and independence, but also through verbal encouragement and reassurance that their injury did not bring about the end of the road for them. This reminds me of a talk I attended a few years ago by a paraolympian. He told us that his spinal cord injury did not stop his life, but simply took it into a new direction.He described how his life had taken a flip after the injury, but then told us how he was still excited for the possiblities that he had ahead of him, and how he would still continue to live fully and happily. The reaction that he received from the audience, which was made up mostly of people living with spinal cord injuries, was heart-warming.Everyone thanked him for the inspiration and for showing them the light at the end of the tunnel.Everyone left that talk smiling.As caregivers, we may also use such words, stories and attitudes to our disposal, and it is exciting to potentially be a catalyst for such renewed approaches to life.

The reaction that I received from that young man was only one incident, and I did experience many more acts of kindness throughout my day in a wheelchair.For example, as I was propelling up that same hill, obviously fatigued and struggling, two people offered to push me up the rest of the way.The first was a lady who was well past her middle-ages and would be visibly less able-bodied that myself if I were to stand up next to her.But she smiled and offered to help, and moved on promptly when I politely declined.The second was a cab driver who rolled his cab slowly on the street next to me to ask if I would like some assistance.I responded in the same way that I did for the first lady, and he also promptly drove off.Moments later, my wheelchair got stuck in a patch of gravel and I resorted to waving over a young man from a nearby bus stop to push me out of my predicament.When he noticed my waving, he smiled with a gentleness and rushed over with an eagerness that I rarely see in strangers his age.

I was endeared by my encounters with these three individuals.When I am in public as myself - an average-looking person with no obvious physical deformities or impairments, it is easy to get mixed into the urban jungle and disappear among the sea of anonymous faces.Especially in cities, we walk past one another with not so much of an acknowledgement of each other’s existence, let alone offer our reach to extend into each other’s daily lives. But then there are moments like these that reveal glimpses of the humanity and kindness that we do possess for strangers.I guess that that is one of the advantages of playing the role of an individual with apparent disadvantages – we get to experience a new type of social interaction that can offer such gifts.

[...]

When I was on the bus, everyone was courteous in giving me the space, and patient in giving me the time, to maneuver my wheelchair (with my haphazard wheelchair skills) into the designated wheelchair space.In a sense, many inconveniences of having a physical impairment are offset by the help that we may receive from sympathetic and kind strangers and loved ones. On top of that, I also appreciated how the lady and the cab driver did not fuss any more than they did in trying to help me. As they may have understood, many people, in spite of their injury, often still want to be able to as independent as possible.Many do not welcome pity and rather not be persuaded that they “need help”...

... the task of travelling a few blocks on London sidewalks proved to be no easy task on my first day out with wheels.Suddenly, each crevice and every slant on the sidewalk became a cause for caution. Going uphill was quite a physically demanding undertaking, while going downhill turned gravity into a monster that threatened to suck me into traffic. I learned that I had to get a “running start” in my wheelchair midway through crossing the street so that I would have enough momentum to propel myself back up on to the curb...

Upon arriving home, I realized that I lived in a wheelchair-inaccessible neighbourhood.The sidewalks were in very poor condition with wide cracks and lots of potholes, which proved to be dangerous as I almost fell off my wheelchair on a few occasions.The step-ups into the houses were too high for the wheelchair to go up, even after I removed my tippers.And in the process of trying to get myself to my door, I got stuck on my front lawn where the grass was wet and slippery from dew.As a result, I decided to stay on the lawn and waited for my sister to get off work.When she came home, she first tried to pull my wheelchair over the high step, but found that it was not safe, nor did she have the strength, to do so.Then, I asked her to piggyback me into the house, but as she was tired from work and knew that I actually had full use of my legs, she refused and (lovingly) asked me to fend for myself.Hypothetically then, I think I would have had to fall out of my chair and crawl into my house.

[...]

Unfortunately, I do not expect that all of these accommodations are realistic for many people with spinal cord injuries (or other such physical restrictions) in many parts of southeast Asia.In an individualistic culture like the one we live in, independence is highly valued.I believe that that provided a strong drive for implementing a healthcare system that supports such extensive environmental modifications and personal skills-training programs.This system, in turn, allow such independence in spite of injuries.In contrast, collectivist societies makes up most of southeast Asia, where they pay less heed to achieving maximal independence. As a result, much of the accommodations that we have here are rarely seen in those societies. I once spoke with a physician from China who told me that he was very impressed with how accessible Toronto is. Never has he seen public buses that had ramps and special seating for wheelchairs.He said that, where he comes from, rehabilitation programs are scarce and the ones that exist are not nearly as comprehensive nor client-centred.On top of that, due to the population density, the streets and other public spaces in China are often crowded and virtually inaccessible by wheelchairs.Consequently, many people who are in wheelchairs are confined to their homes, are umemployed and have markedy decreased social activity.Essentially, the doctor described how many of these people are largely neglected by society.

[...]

As a whole, “accessibility” was the recurrent theme of the day during my experience in a wheelchair, and it was eye-opening to realize how many conveniences we take for granted on a daily basis.It was thrilling and fascinating to experience my every-day surroundings from a new perspective.From having sidewalk cracks gain new meaning to getting a extra look on the gentleness of strangers, the obstacles and reactions that I encountered has help solidify the magnitude of how much the world changes, for better or for worse, after a spinal cord injury.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 01:48:48 GMT

quick note: i love my PTs

I can't begin to describe what stellar people make up my class, and how they are the reason I come to class with a toothy goofy smile on my face... from the people I've bonded with to the class clowns to the farmers to the hugs to the brilliant minds to the amazing personalities to being a family to propelling together towards one of the best professions in the world... (... it just doesn't end)

you make my life, UWO PT Class of 2010!

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:47:12 GMT

rambling thought(s) of the day

I act like an idiot when I'm nervous. I'm nervous when I'm on unfamiliar territory. And since I lived as a hermit for much of my life, I'm find myself in a lot of unfamiliar territory now that I'm relatively out on my own. So I act like an idiot a lot these days.

But I strangely find comfort in these situations. The type of comfort that comes when you have a feeling that you are learning... that, at least you're willing to place yourself outside of your comfort zone.

Exploration is key.

One of my goals now is to learn to be relaxed and be myself even when I'm nervous. I am too wary of onlookers of my actions and words, and have become accustomed to putting on a certain front because I know I'm being watched. And being the bad actor that I am, my anxiety is obvious and I often end up appearing rather fake and awkward.

I am usually more introverted than extraverted, so many times I like to listen more than talk. Next time we're conversing and I'm mostly just sitting back... I'm (probably) not bored, I'm just quietly soaking up your words and the surroundings.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 17:30:43 GMT

going back to L-town today!

mmm, don't mind if I do!

Here is a collage of the summer!

Being back in T.O. was relaxing... to some degree... but I look forward to returning to my London life. I crave my own routine, relish in the relative solitude, and I miss the gym. Can't wait!

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 17:06:27 GMT

as i sit here tonight and think about what I'm grateful for...

Homeslice - I sometimes see you only a handful of times a year, but you are without a doubt one of the stars of my life... like a supersupercool big brother but without the the clashes of siblinghood. Whether we're having lunch at a noodle shop or being outrageously sloshed at the club, you always makes me feel like a friggin special girl. And oh man, do you give the best hugs ever. Babe, thanks for your love, for bringing out the player in me (or for your attempts of, hehehe), and for always having my back <3

Homegirl - Another total rockstar. We share the same perspective with regards to independence and to love... we have the same thoughts about personal strength and individuality, and we play the self-sufficient role, but we are still mushy hopeless romantics at the end of the day :). And we both love to dance!! Be it on TV (oh yesss), at the studio, or in the club... we're grooving, baby. I can't wait to take our (mini or biggie) adventures! Thank you for always being on call for me and encouraging me to vent when I want; and thank you for being just so darn cool ;).

Poop - Number 2, what I can I say? You were my other half... until Will came along and stole you away! Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm one third now, or still one half, but in like a different worldly dimension or something. And no worries, I appreciate Will all the same :). Hey maybe I'm still one half, but it's just that you and Will are each one quarter now. Yeah that sounds good.

Vomit - Number 3, you put the "three" in "the threes". Oh yeah, you know what I'm sayinnn' . Thank you for being one of the few people in the world to laugh at my jokes. And thank you for acknowledging it and giving me weird looks when I'm acting eccentric at home or in public... instead of... ignoring me... Anyway you're absolutely rad! You gots the suave, the insane smarts, the crazy athleticism, the musciality, the maturity, and really weird-looking feet. Love you!

Stitch - If our love lives existed in separate universes, those universes would be parallel to one another... Wait, does that even make sense? Ermm... you know what I mean! It's been a rollercoaster of a year for both of us, and am I ever glad we were there to help each other ride it out. Our long talks have helped clear my head and temper my heart, and I hope they've done the same for you. Thanks for always lending an ear and being such a sweetie :)

Confidence - Man, as far as I can remember, we weren't particularly close in high school, we totally didn't talk at all in the first two years of university, and somehow we've ended up alongside each other, propelling towards our individual careers. Your straight-up pep talks (and threats to kick my ass if I don't become a great PT) have made their marks throughout the last few years. You're a solid friend, buddy.

Seasoned - Dude, we've been through a shit lot. We know each other amost too well... so 'nuff said. Although we don't get to chill much anymore, I hasn't left my mind that you always have remained one of my silent pillars of support. I really appreciate it, man.

Txtmsgr - Probably the newest to my collection of angels! haha. (Stitch was in this position last year ^^). I think it's the small moments with you. Saying the funniest stupid things to each other (well, funny on your part, stupid on my part :P) cracks me up so good. You're one of the most hilarious guys I know <:). And at the same time, we've also had the moments to talk each other through the heavier stuff. Your open-minded and non-judgemental character makes it ok for me to share some stuff that I censor from almost everyone else... Thanka! =)

and there are more of you out there right now who deserves to be on this list. Don't worry I haven't forgotten you guys! But why haven't we had the chance to chill this summer yet?!?! Imma hunt you down.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 21:07:34 GMT

imitate drawings

I do like to.

But I recently opened my old sketchbook, looked at my past sketches, and there was a grand total of two entries since I started university .

I'm not particularly good at it, never took any art lessons or studied it, but I still love doing it. Sketching totally holds its own time. I love sinking into the sketch with nothing running through my mind except for the lines and curves. When the only things that exist for that moment is my hand, pencil, eraser, paper, and the lines and the curves.

So I picked it up again, and I just finished this one a couple of days ago. yay!

29/07/09
Why did I choose to draw this? ... one can dream.

some of my fave past entries:

09/04/01
SUPER SAIYAN GOKU!!! (I drew this in Gr. 9)

16/07/02
YU-GI-OH's BABY DRAGON!!! (I drew this in Gr. 10)

03/10/07
This is me? (minus the ravishing hair and gigantic eyes)

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 21:27:00 GMT

noticed you... noticing me
(... but I freaking chickened out and didn't do anything about it )

On this beautiful Saturday afternoon, I was at the gym for my regular grind and sweat. As I was doing my tricep pulls, I noticed that I had a great view of this cute dude doing his leg presses. Tall, Asian, beautiful build, black jersey and red basketball shorts. sigh...

Then he turned around and threw a few glances my way. heh heh heh! And for the next half hour or so, he stayed within a few metres in my proximity (I swear it wasn't just me doing the stalking!). Threw a few more glances and made eye contact.

But then the dude dropped off the radar and I had already went into overtime for my workout, so I called it a day and headed to the changerooms. On my way there, as I reached the end of the hallway, dude appeared from around the corner! Eye contact #2 was made for a split sec but I spazzed and looked at my feet as we passed each other. Then I kicked myself in the changeroom for not smiling or holding eye contact for longer, and swore that I will say hi the next time I see him, if I ever do.

As I was walking up the stairs to leave the building, it turned out that he was still there (!!). Made eye contact #3 and we practically collided as we were trying to get out the door. But damn my nerves, my throat closed and I threw my eyes back down to look at my scuffed shoes.

Aaaaand... we parted ways outside the doors.

Real smooth, Amy. You blew three chances.
epic fail.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 22:47:50 GMT

i couldn't put my finger on the word until bonnie nailed it

goosebumps.

I fell in love with the book, and now the movie's coming out and it casted two actors that are just perfect for the roles

-----

in other exciting news

I'm currently on my first PT placement and acting as the primary physiotherapy caregiver for a few spinal cord injury patients.

So far, I've helped three of them stand up for the first time since their injury.

hells yes.

Up next, let's take that first 1, 2 step, baby!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Sun, 31 May 2009 02:55:08 GMT

THEY WON THEY WON THEY WON!!!

Yaaaaaaay DIVERSITY!! amazing amazing amazing amazing!!!

the audition: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPcGy77Gru8
the semi-finals: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pg3fvanDDc
the finals: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJIz8BgRQc0 (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!)
the clip of the results: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMz03DnirQY
(and may I say, Ashley (the team leader) is beautiful)

my other faves from this season:

Shaun Smith
putting his looks and his voice together... he is one of the hottest white guys I've ever laid my eyes (and ears) on

the audition: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVgiJJsWbOE
the semi-finals: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7mqoDPVfFw
the finals: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Socxh-tHGmY

Julian Smith
it's incredible and unbelievable to me how much emotion he gets through in his performances

the audition: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tz8BvSiop5Q
the semi-finals: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEDjl2CymPs
the finals: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DE5PrXryTg8

notable mentions:

Jamie Pugh
my fave one-hit wonder, loved how his voice is so strong and so delicate at the same time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1KHRf02ups

Sue Son
sexy sexy sexy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb_Mjg4xKm8

Thank you, Britain's Got Talent 2009!! You were my main source of entertainment during these past few stressful weeks

(Each and every one of the vids I post here were absolutely amaaazing to me - they made me jump up and down in my seat, kept me mesmerized, or calmed my heart in a way that only music can. Hope you love 'em too )